5 Reason Why Vin Scully is Terrible

8 Mar

DutchSoundsOff 1,736

Vin Scully is one of the most revered and treasured announcers of all time in baseball history. He captivated radio and television audiences as the lone announcer for the Dodgers for 50+ years, but for the last 10 years he has shown a noticeable decline in performance. However, the baseball community has praised this man’s ability to announce a baseball game to no end. This is a man so beloved that not even the Roastmaster General Jeff Ross will even touch this legend. That’s ok Jeff, I’ll step in for you on this one. Here are 5 reasons why Vin Scully is terrible at announcing baseball games:

Age

He has forgotten more about baseball than the vast majority of the public will ever know. And do you know why he has forgotten? Because he is too old to still be living, let alone be allowed to announce baseball games. Here’s a picture of Vin and Larry King sharing a foxhole in WW1.

Annoying

Do you know what the prerequisites was to be an announcer when he started in the 1950’s? Neither do I. Neither does anyone, because everyone that did know is dead by now. More than likely it took a penis and a voice people found pleasant enough to listen to for three hours. It is true that I bleed Giants orange and may be biased against the Dodgers announcer, but even unbiased fans of the game would most likely put the TV on mute while watching a game that he announces. There is a reason every other ball club has a two-man crew announcing the game: no one wants to hear the same fucking voice and extraordinarily biased opinion for 3 hours.

Lost Touch of Priorities

Dodger fans might say that he has the most random details about player’s lives…I’ll give him that much credit. He has forgotten more about baseball history than I will ever know and he has interesting tidbits about the lives of players. Unfortunately, he would rather tell stories than focus on the game. He has the old man mental capacity for exactly one story per player in baseball, which means every game I hear the same exact story. Thank you for the inside information about Ryan Theriot’s family parrot; that was an entertaining story…when you told it the first five times on the last Giants home stand.

Unparallel Bias

Announcers have an obligation to call the game with impartial disposition. There is not a more biased and opinionated announcer in sports today. I’ll give you an example of what you might hear on a standard game:

“And here comes baseball’s best player Matt Kemp to the plate. Not only is Kemp an amazing three sport athlete in high school, he is also an exemplarily human being, who last week donated two million dollars of his own salary and numerous hours of charity work to the Boys and Girls Club. Truly a man that any youngster can look up to and strive to be…and pitching to him today is Tim Lincecum, who once was charged with the crime of raping and murdering his own grandmother in order to collect life insurance money to pay off a bookie for his extensive debt in puppy fighting losses. He was later exonerated of all charges due to mishandling of evidence, which some people believe had to do with Buster Posey’s connections with the FBI….and here’s the pitch…called strike one by the umpire, but Kemp doesn’t agree with the call, and neither do I, as that ball looked to be a foot outside from my vantage point of the third deck with 90 year old eyes.”

Changing Times for the Dodgers

Magic Johnson and company are counting down the days until this guy dies, which will inevitably be via choking on his own verbal diarrhea. There is not even a glimmer of a chance this guy will retire. I’m relatively sure he is currently propped up on his death bed inside the announcing booth, taking shots some elixir that Jack Lalain sold him back in the 50’s. The Juicemaster himself is rolling in his grave at the fact that Vin outlasted him with a diet of Dodger dogs, Budweiser, and tears of children.

Vin Scully is a living legend and he should be revered as the icon he is in baseball history, but his time in the booth should be stopped immediately for everyone’s sake. It is time for the Dodgers to step up and force him to retire before he dies in the booth.

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